Me vs. the Dark Lord
I woke up Wednesday morning feeling as if I’ve just had a sort of horrible dream; it wasn’t a dream where it was an actual nightmare, nonetheless terrible just the same. I laid there in my bed with my heart beating thinking, “what on earth did I just dream of?” Not a second later, in hazy barrage of reminiscent scenes, it has occurred to me I have dreamt one of the zaniest dreams I can recall.
The dream first began of me chasing down some baddies that had, in my mind, obviously committed a crime, thus, I must have dreamt I was a cop. I chase down these baddies into a gas station filled with automobiles. As I ran near these automobiles, people began emerging from them, people wearing black robes and white face masks resembling skull faces. I stopped in my tracks. They were Death Eaters, the very same Death Eaters found in the Harry Potter books. “Holy Shit”, I thought to myself, “what have I gotten myself into?” I quickly regained composure and instantly reached for my side arm, the Death Eaters in turned reached for the wands. Surely, bullets must stop these powerful Dark Wizards and Witches! What happens next is a montage of me doing high wire flips in the air, ducking, dipping, and dodging Jackie Chan style out of the hexes and jinxes aimed at me. By montage, I literally mean montage; it was still frames of me taking out Death Eaters with a pistol!
I had finally reached to the last Death Eater, I was hanging upside on a horizontal beam, much like how a child hangs upside down from monkey bars, and I took aim at the final Death Eater and fired off a few rounds. The bullets ricocheted off a Shield Charm he just performed, narrowly missing my face. Astonished, but determined still, I emptied the remaining clip on his Death Eater ass. He went down. There I hung upside thinking, “This is all Harry Potter needs, a freaking 9mm and pop a cap in Lord Voldemort’s ass.” Then it happened. A dinky old vehicle, resembling a 1978-83, Datson (or Nissan) 210 haphazardly rolled into the gas station. No one was driving the car, but there was an occupant in the back seat. The person was wearing a dark robe whose face is shrouded by the robe’s hood. At first, I thought it was a Dark Jedi, or Sith Lord. Little did I know was close I was to the truth.
The car came to a stop 50 yards away, mind you I was still hanging upside. The driver’s side rear door creaked open. The night became deathly silent as the lights surrounding the gas station dimmed to half its luminance. The shadowy person emerged from the car, back towards me, one hand on the car door as the other removing the hood covering his head. The back of the head was gray pale color and lacked hair. It didn’t take me long to realize who it was before he turned around. The world paused in front of me except for Lord Voldemort whom slowly turned, looked up, and stared me down with his snake like face and fiery red eyes.
“I have to wake up,” I thought to myself. I began to awake from my dream, “it was hopeless to face He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,” I thought was I began to wake. For those whom had lucid dreams before, know what I speak of now when I thought, “what if?” I began to take control of my dream; I wanted to be the one to take down Lord Voldemort. I was back in the dream.
I popped in a new clip, unhinged my legs from the beam, and somersaulted down to the floor. I quickly turned around, pointed my pistol to Lord Voldemort, and squeezed the trigger. Nothing happened. Voldemort smiled his devilish smile. I squeezed the trigger again. Nothing happened. Voldemort smiled still. I squeezed the trigger once, twice, thrice times more, and yet still nothing happened. I examined the gun quickly, the safety was off, the clip was full of bullets, and it shouldn’t be malfunctioning. I look up and saw Voldemort walking towards me. “I’m a dead man,” I thought. “He’s going to perform the killing curse and end me right here right now,” was my second thought. My final thought was, “Run.”
I turned around and sprinted away, I didn’t care where to. Soon enough I found myself face to face with wall in dark alley. “I’ve lost him,” I thought. As I looked down, I could see Lord Voldemort’s shadow growing in length as he drew upon the alley entrancr. I turned, faced the wall, leapt, and began jumping from wall to wall Jackie Chan style until I reached the fire exit. With explosive speed, I ran up the escape to the very roof of the building. There I was alone. I began eyeballing around looking for the stairs into the building. I spotted it and ran towards it. I reached the door thinking to myself I’m safe and there’s now way Lord Voldemort can reach me up here. As I reached for the doorknob I looked into the door window in front of me, and I saw my reflection. I soon realized who I was and it all made sense to me. I WAS Jackie Chan! It explains the cop, the acrobatic flips and leaps when I fought the Death Eaters, and more importantly, it explained how I failed terribly in stopping Lord Voldemort.
In that thought, I heard, what is described in the Harry Potter books as a loud pop in the air, and I knew exactly what is was. My stupid idea of being and alone and how He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named cannot reach me was absolutely fleeting. Lord Voldemort has apparated, a spell used by wizards and witches to travel from one place to another instantaneously, directly behind me. Resigning to my fate, I turned around. Voldemort grinned; his sharp teeth glimmered in the moonlight as he raised his wand to perform the Avada Kedavra, the killing curse. Knowing damn well I was about to die, I took control of dream again and quickly woke up. No way was I going to let Lord Voldemort kill me. No way.
Of course, after a few minutes lying in bed I thought to myself I could have simply turned into Harry Potter and killed Voldemort. However, after just reading six Potter books back to back, the seventh and last book not being published yet, I had no idea how to kill Voldemort, let alone whether Harry lives at the end of the book or not. I felt it wouldn’t have been right. My brother says I should have turned into a giant cannon or nuke and wiped him out completely, but I’d like to argue that Voldemort clearly jinxed my pistol, and then, logically, would jinx any Muggle weapon I turn into.
This folks was by far, the most vivid dream I’ve had in years. A good ending, some would say not, but at least I didn’t die as Jackie Chan by the hands of Lord Voldemort.
